How I Made Sense of Life at the Age of 18

When I was in pre-school I was not the best colorer, I would color a grey elephant blue, and my roses would be yellow. Kids would tell me my art did not look "good" because I did not color inside of the lines and my animals and flowers were the wrong color. 

This mentality was most likely instilled in their brains by an older person. This caused me to look at my artistic abilities differently and even worse, the lines between conformity and individuality became blurred very early on. 

Being a kid I quickly learned what is acceptable and not acceptable through the indoctrination and programming of religion, public education, television, and media. 

"Follow the law,  love thy neighbor, and stay in school so you'll graduate and go to college, get a good job, and have liable assets. 

Non-GMO food is normal.

If you are not white you are not worthy of representation because your ancestry consists of a slave ancestry. and so on. These are the ideas we, including myself, have been programmed with all our lives. 

At the age of 16, I learned very quickly that we have been living a lie. "Real" fruits stopped being healthy a long time ago, the government purposely pisses us off, they use our tax dollars to conduct underground experiments on ways to figure out how to keep us controlled, and the list goes on. We were programmed to believe that if you think outside of the box you are crazy, loud, and wrong.

Well, I have a confession to make, I broke my programming and if you are here, so did you so we must be crazy.

 I remember what it felt like when I  discovered the truth. To paint a picture of the experience: It felt like my head exploded. 

I have experienced the depression, the grief, the sorrow,  the resentment of authority, and the overwhelming feelings after realizing everything is an illusion because we live in the matrix: a controlled environment with situations consisting of people behaving in ways that conform to pre-determined roles. The truth is not an easy pill to swallow. 

However, over time I was comforted with four pieces of profound wisdom through this turbulent wave of emotions to combat the belief that the illusion of the world is out of my control. 

I want to share them with you today because we're all attempting to navigate the world while maintaining our sanity.  Here's your Blue Pill to neutralize the effects of the Red one. 

For all ages 😁 🫶

Please note: Red text are links provided to the view to become further verses on the discussed topic. 

I. Sometimes You Just Don't Like Yourself & That's Valid. 

I have a comparison problem. I often compare my progress, looks, or characteristics to others. Sometimes I think, "If  only I had that body, I would like myself better." 

When people (mainly women) change their bodies to meet a conventional beauty standard, they often admit to NEVER being satisfied. They describe how they gradually begin to feel compelled to change things about themselves they were never previously insecure about.

To be honest, I've considered altering my body before. But I was afraid I'd do too much damage to myself and become botched. Yet, I change my personality to appear less intimidating. 

I eventually gave this thought and determined that if I knew I am prone to changing many aspects of myself, both body and personality, (including things I was never insecure about in the first place), I simply do not like myself AT ALL, which is okay. Actually, it is valid.

 

Many of us have experienced obstacles in life that cause us to see ourselves differently, whether good or bad. 

I was bullied immensely in school so my raw genuine perception of myself was tainted early on. This has caused deep-seated issues of low self-esteem within myself.  The things I was bullied for are things I am in a rush to change.  But it goes deeper than that. 

Consequently, I came to a ground-breaking realization: No matter how much I change my body or demeanor, I'll never like who I am. UNLESS I heal my past wounds. 

At first, I blamed myself for placing so much trust in other people's perceptions of me. Second, I had to acknowledge that they were simply projecting their sh!t onto me. They didn't feel good about themselves, so they pointed out my "flaws" so I could feel as bad as them.

I never liked using that logic. My natural response is never, "Oh, they are just being mean because they are jealous."

However, sometimes that is the case. And thinking like that makes you wary of taking criticism personally.

 

I say all of that to say. it is normal to feel bad about yourself when you have spent your entire life being told that something is wrong with you and that you are not good enough.

Nevertheless, this time we reclaim our control. No more nitpicking your appearance or camouflaging to make people comfortable in your presence.

 
Melanie Martinez said it best: "Wanna know what I learned about bodies? They are just temporary. "They don't define us."

Every day, I'm learning how to implement that in my life. 

"But Lately, I been thinking maybe, no one needs to save me. Cause I love me enough for all of yall."

-Love Me Enough 

II. Magick Should Be In Everything You Do

When practicing magick, you must perform an act with INTENTION. At least that is my understanding of what magick is.

Candle magick, for instance, is when you make a wish before blowing out your birthday candles. 

The same approach can be applied to everyday situations. When you make a decision, make sure it will provide the results you desire in the long run. 

I came to this realization after having a tarot reading done for myself. When I ask a tarot reader a question regarding my uncertainty, nine times out of ten I leave thinking it over,  ruminating on the guidance.  It would serve as another worry instead of closure.

I made the decision to obtain the reading simply to learn something without any proper reason. 

My point is, that decisions should be made with specific intentions in mind, such as bettering oneself. 

When I asked for a tarot reading about a former partner, I failed to consider whether this was productive. I would think to myself, "What happens when you've been told they're still not over you? So you are going to return, even though you left for a reason? There was a reason why things didn't work out. How could you betray yourself like this? You need help, girl. "

I believe that is where we all go wrong in the first place. We put ourselves in such destructive patterns, casting a spell over our own lives. 

There is nothing wrong with magick. It's needed. The secret is to be conscious of its existence. This gives you the ability to make it work in your favor. 

III. KNOW. THY. SELF. 

Typically, the philosophy "Know Thyself" means "know your limits". It is crucial to understand not just your limitations, but also your triggers, likes, dislikes, tastes, hobbies, values, and life purpose.

To illustrate, if you want to be an actor or actress, you may find that you excel at comedic roles. However, when hunting for your "big break," you try to audition for a character that Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie would play without receiving the proper training. You begin to question why you aren't getting booked for these particular jobs. It's likely because you haven't taken the time to recognize that comic parts aren't your strongest suit when it comes to acting. This can be realized through deep introspection. 

It is critical to reflect on your internal while being on the Earth plane. When you are one with yourself, life gets 10 times easier. 

IV. You Don't Have To Fight For Everything 

Healing emotional wounds has been at the top of my bucket list for several years.

I frequently seek guidance from others. This did more harm than good since I became overwhelmed by the need to mend my wounded psyche.

A belief that I feel the urgency to heal is that I need to fight for everything, including healing. To be frank, I have always had a very tough life. Since I had grown accustomed to life not working out in my favor, I had no choice but to develop a pessimistic outlook on life. If I wanted to obtain something good I geared up for the battle ahead. 

Then I learned that I did not have to heal alone. Life does not have to be a blood sport.

Furthermore, I believe in 'God,' so accepting 'God' into my heart space is critical for my path in this lifetime. 

You don't have to believe in higher power, however. Take a walk and put on some headphones. Hold your phone in your hands and simply talk about the things on your mind.  Don't worry about others staring; that's what the phone in your hand is for 😹.

It is also helpful to record the conversations you have with yourself.  Talking to yourself is incredibly therapeutic. When you reflect on what obstacles you face along the way (in life), you can have a more objective perspective.  When you look at your circumstances from an alternate perspective, you can start giving yourself advice to help you move forward making life less of a battle.  

CONCLUSION

I get really personal in this article.  I am a human being, I have feelings and they are intense. 

I started this blog to educate people and help them get out of the "Matrix". Which are the toxic ideals instilled in us by the powers that be for a loooooooong time.

I hope that this post will bring us one step closer to ascension by revealing the cheat codes of the game we call life.  

Nonetheless, this article marks the beginning of my New Year because I have hit the milestone of 18 years of f*cking age!  🤸✨